"With Each Breath"

       “At 28, I was suddenly widowed and childless. Devastated with grief at the tragic deaths of my husband and 8-year-old son in an automobile accident, my life was truly in chaos. I was lost, alone and completely unaware of the emotional, physical, financial and spiritual struggles I would face. In less than a year, I experienced the loss of my husband Marc, my son Jassen, both maternal grandparents, my ability to conceive another child, two beloved pets, and my life’s direction and meaning. The terrible loss of my mother to cancer, at the age of ten, had left me vulnerable, as I was never encouraged to express my sorrow or the pain of her absence. Now, here was tragedy like no other, the unspeakable loss of a child, and also a mate. Not knowing which way to go or what to do, I found myself on a seemingly endless journey of survival and exploration. 

     I sought help through various healing therapies. Prayer helped, as did family, friends, work, and walking, when all I could do was put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time. After a while, a friend suggested I enroll in some courses at a nearby university. It seemed like a good idea, so I started out, slowly, taking a few classes in personal awareness, communication and creative writing. As I began to write, the words and feelings I’d kept inside came pouring out in the form of poetry and verse. I knew that life would never be the same and it would take a long time, if ever, to heal and recover from the intense sadness and pain. Writing gave me a way to express, and work through, the wide range of thoughts and emotions.

     With Each Breath is a poetic, visual journal of my search for peace and sanity in the face of upheaval and despair. My path has not been easy, but along the way, I found some answers and learned to accept [my] life, with all its beauty, tragedy and flaws. I still struggle sometimes. Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays can be difficult. No matter the depth of my spiritual beliefs and faith, a void exists that cannot be filled on this earthly plane. I would give anything to have seen my son grow up, become a young man, and find love and fulfillment. We missed so many of life’s pleasures. Today, I might be spoiling a grandchild or two of my own, but it wasn’t meant to be. Through the many twists and turns, I’ve been blessed to find love, again, and create a life I can enjoy. I’m grateful for my blessings, and so very thankful for the time I was given with Jassen and Marc.

     Sharing our stories and experiences brings us together, lifting us out of ourselves and allowing a bond of greater empathy, compassion and respect. All of our days are numbered and precious. They pass quickly even when we are lucky enough to live long, healthy and fruitful lives. Each hour, each day, we have the chance to acknowledge and cherish one another as the miracles we are.”

Brooks Garten Hauschild  

One Day

 

I hear a child calling

‘Mama, Mama’.

I turn to answer and see

a blur of golden hair

rosy dimpled cheeks

a flash of baby teeth

Spirit running free.

 

Every little boy

could be you

reminds me of you

sounds like you

runs in wild spurts like you

is beautiful like you.

 

But, no other little boy

will ever be you

know the same things as you

see life the way you do

love [me] like you do.    

   

I hear a child calling

‘Mama, Mama’.

I turn to answer and know

one day there you’ll be

running wildly toward me

laughter bouncing off your cheeks

hardly able to breathe

tripping, falling, over your feet.

 

And, there I’ll be

Spirit running free

tears spilling down my cheeks

hardly able to breathe

tripping, falling, at your feet. . .

catching you

holding you

holding you

 holding you!

 

Brooks Garten Hauschild  

 

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